This week, I’ve had many firsts. I’ve cheered for the US National Team in the World Cup (cheering for anyone in soccer is actually a first for me). I’ve used “i.e.” and “concurrently” correctly without looking them up first to make sure I used them appropriately (um…I did look them up after to make sure). I’ve learned how to make a shark emoji on Facebook – (^^^) if you need it. All these firsts are why it was so refreshing – comforting, even – to visit People.com this morning and see that they’d featured one of my longest loves. British men. Suits for days. Cheekbones. Things that American men have, yes, but with accents uncommon to my social circle!
A minute on THE CHEEKBONES: I don’t know why Europeans have more defined cheekbones, but they almost unilaterally do. Is there an evolutionary reason to this? The result of wind around an island, or migratory patterns of birds? Help me out, science.
Some truths we hold to be self-evident:
- As we are in our 30s, childless and live in the early 21st Century, this is our Hunger Games/Sophie’s Choice.
- Sometimes, even people with college degrees and well-meaning intentions fall trap to the stereotypical American insensitivity of lumping all mid-Eastern-Atlantic Islanders together as British. (Look, you are about to see a list of people who are not all Brits. Some are Irish ("Irish Irish," that is. Sorry again for not knowing how to make that distinction; I promise I'm not stupid.) Some are German. At least one guy was born in California. Our bad. Our extreme bad.)
- “There is much beauty in this world”
A minute on the opening image: I should take this moment to mention I don’t actually drink tea. And I’m not making any corresponding sayings about coffee.
Now, let’s actually get started.
“Is Idris Elba regular attractive or THE MOST ATTRACTIVE?”
This was an email received from Haley that resulted in follow up emails including “JEEZ YOU AIN’T PLAYIN’” (me) and “Are you complaining about a reason to look up pictures of attractive men?” (Haley). Ultimately, though, my decision was this: “It’s a hard call. British men. They are THE MOST ATTRACTIVE. They are all regular attractive and then collectively THE MOST, I think.”
Haley agreed with my decision, and then issued a challenge – rank the following group, adding names that were neglected:
- Andrew Garfield
- Eddie Redmayne
- Henry Cavill
- Idris Elba
- Nicholas Hoult
- Tom Hardy
- Jude Law
- Ewan McGregor
- Christian Bale
- Paul Bettany (one more for the gingers!)
With me adding*:
- Domhnall Gleeson, because his star is the next to blow up, I think. It’s a good time to be a British ginger**.
- Colin Firth (Shame on you, Haley. Shame on you.)
- Hugh Grant
And then Haley adding:
- Arthur Darvill
- Chiwetel Ejiofor
- Andrew Lincoln – WHAT? How did either of us overlook this?
Innocent enough, right? Well this not only prompted the aforementioned “you ain’t playin’” comment, it also didn’t take long for things. To get. Stupid.
Not only did the list get longer, but it became evident that it needed to be organized. We decided to form four basic categories:
- Sweet Mother Gorgeous
- A Little More than Conventionally Good Looking
- Conventionally Good Looking, Comparatively
- Slightly Alien, Yet All Good Looking
You can see the full extent of our, ummm…, research here, but these are our categorical lists. I'm the black text on the left, Haley is the teal text on the right:
So we had our differences, the biggies (to me, at least) being Hiddles and Cavill (I am still having to breathe into a paper bag about the Henry Cavill difference). But a plan’s a plan, and there was really no way to move on without an actual ranking.
Which is why, in part two (coming next week!), you can continue to follow our adventures attempting to seed our group, expand by a few late additions, and draw other people into girly ridiculousness in the inaugural THE RIGHT MANS Bracketology.
*At this moment, I specifically rejected Martin Freeman, and alluded to the disappointment of friends Jamie and Molly. I regret it now. If only 2013 me knew that Season Three of Sherlock would change everything.
**I’ve heard redheads don’t like to be referred to as gingers. Please understand I mean no disrespect. I personally don’t understand the issue, because to go from redhead to ginger is charming and adorable, whereas I, a periodic blonde, can only go from blonde to “dumb blonde.” I want my adorable pigeon-hole!
***Because, ultimately, that’s exactly what you’re asking me to do.
^This hair was undoubtedly an eyebrow hair, because those brows are what landed him farther from the top of my list.
Part 2 - with the bracket challenge! - is now here.